The terms used for the kind of work I do often confuse people. "College student personnel," "student affairs," and "student development" are often used interchangeably to describe it. "College student personnel" is probably the oldest, dating back to the 1930's at least. It's still found in the names of graduate preparation programs and professional associations in the field, but it's getting less common these days. "Student affairs" is a common name of the division of a college or university where people like me are employed. "Student development" is the most recent term, and reflects a focus on what we do: working with students to help them develop as whole, healthy, well-rounded individuals and members of their communities. The phrase is getting more common in the names of departments and graduate programs.
Reasons For Going into College Student Personnel Work
In no particular order, the reasons for going into College Student Personnel work are:
- Occasionally get to clean up student vomit when janitors draw the line.
- Save money on costly dates by being on duty on weekends.
- Vacuuming takes less time in a hall director's apartment the size of a broom closet.
- Got too much sleep as an undergrad.
- McDonald's had a hiring freeze on "Big Mac" specialists.
- I just love working long hours for low pay.
- Couldn't get into Hazardous Materials Management.
- Get to call Bob "Bob" at conferences.
- You look so cool reading the Chronicle.
- It's less embarrassing than an AA meeting.
- It's fun creating and enforcing rules that you broke when you were an undergraduate.
- I want to live with 100 first-year students in a single apartment rather than be independent.
- Getting to take care of the extremely drunk freshman that turns up at every dance.
- Get to live for "free" in an apartment you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.
- Get to eat "free" meals in the caf, all of which begin to taste the same day after day after day.
- Get to listen to people tell you how lucky you are for getting all this "free" stuff.
- Get to listen to people on the listserv tell you that you should be investing all of the extra money that you allegedly have since you get all this "free" stuff in addition to that huge "salary."
- You *really* enjoy telephone calls at 3:00 am asking where we keep the mops.
- Favorite type of home building materials? Concrete blocks!
- When you were six and they asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, you said, "I want to be a Student Affairs Administrator!" :)
- Because having a "life" is highly overrated.
- I enjoy being reminded daily just how young the freshmen are ("What do you MEAN you don't remember Schoolhouse Rock?!?!?")
- I love all the confused looks I get when I tell people what I do ("Oh! So you're in Human Resources.)
- Easy way to get a job at my spouse's (the research professor -- $$$) new school. Couldn't get one anywhere else there and spouse raised hell. :-)
- All the real jobs were taken.
- Because I'm still an undergrad at heart.
- Because I'd rather be enforcing the alcohol policy.
- Because I'm still developing.
- Because I'm still not sure what a vector is.
- Because of great conference locations (Detroit is lovely in March, really!)
- Because I enjoy explaining to my parents, again, what student affairs is.
- Because I enjoy having student affairs.
- It was good preparation for a career in cartography.
My thanks to Mike, Dan, Bill, Steve, Brenda, Lynn, Ellen, Julio, and o' course, Erin, for their contributions as well as anyone else I inadvertently left out. Your efforts are appreciated.I'd also like to thank Bowling Green State, Eastern Illinois, Massachusetts, Georgia, Wisconsin-Milwaukee, and, o' course, Happy Valley State for providing the environments conducive to this type of endeavor. :)
Cheers . . . Jeff
==================================================================
Jeff Dixon
Grad Student, Counselor Ed.
Penn State University
jhd5@psuvm.psu.edu"From generation to generation, the test of what you produce is the care it inspires."
--Erik H. Erikson-
77 Things Not to Do at Your Thesis Defense
(Written by Peter Dutton, Jim Lalopoulos, Alison Berube, and Jeff Cohen, grad students extrordiannaire.)
- "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem..."
- Charge 25¢ a cup for coffee
- "Charge the mound" when a professor beans you with a high fast question
- Interpretive dance
- Musical accompaniment
- Stage your own death
- Lead the spectators in a Wave
- Have a sing-a-long
- "You call THAT a question? How the hell did they make you a professor?"
- "Ladies and Gentlemen, as I dim the lights, please hold hands and concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of Lord Kelvin..."
- Have bodyguards outside the room to "discourage" certain professors from sitting in
- Puppet show
- Group prayer
- Animal sacrifice to the God of the Underworld
- Sell T-shirts to recoup the cost of copying, binding, etc
- "I'm sorry, I can't hear you--there's a banana in my ear!"
- Imitate Groucho Marx
- Mime
- Hold a Tupperware party
- Have a bikini-clad model be in charge of changing the overheads
- "Everybody rumba!!"
- "And it would have worked if it weren't for those meddling kids..."
- Charge a cover and check for ID
- "In protest of our government's systematic and brutal oppression of minorities..."
- "Anybody else as drunk as I am?"
- Smoke machines, dramatic lighting, pyrotechnics...
- Use a Super Soaker to point at people
- Surreptitiously fill the room with laughing gas
- Door prizes and a raffle
- "Please phrase your question in the form of an answer..."
- "And now, a word from our sponsor..."
- Present your entire talk in iambic pentameter
- Whine piteously, beg, cry...
- Switch halfway through your talk to Pig Latin. Or Finnish Pig Latin
- The Emperor's New Slides ("only fools can't see the writing...")
- Table dance
- Fashion show
- "Yo, a smooth shout out to my homies..."
- "I'd like to thank the Academy..."
- Minstrel show (complete with blackface)
- Previews, cartoons, and the Jimmy Fund
- Pass the collection basket
- Two-drink minimum
- Black tie only
- "Which reminds me of a story - A Black guy, a Chinese guy, and a Jew walked into a bar..."
- Incite a revolt
- Hire the Goodyear Blimp to circle the building
- Release a flock of doves
- Defense by proxy
- "And now a reading from the Book of Mormon..."
- Leave Jehovah's Witness pamphlets scattered about
- "There will be a short quiz after my presentation..."
- "Professor Robinson, will you marry me?"
- Bring your pet boa
- Tell ghost stories
- Hang a piñata over the table and have a strolling mariachi band
- Food fight!
- Challenge a professor to a duel. Slapping him/her with a glove is optional
- Halftime show
- "Duck, duck, duck, duck... GOOSE!"
- "OK--which one of you farted?"
- Rimshot
- Sell those big foam "We're number #1 [sic]" hands
- Pass out souvenir matchbooks
- 3-ring defense
- "Tag--you're it!"
- Circulate a rumor that the Dead will be opening, making sure that it gets on the radio stations, and escape during all the commotion
- Post signs: "Due to a computer error at the Registrar's Office, the original room is not available, and the defense has been relocated to [made-up non-existent room number]"
- Make each professor remove an item of clothing for each question he/she asks
- Recruit the faculty members present to sell Amway
- Strip search everyone entering
- "My thesis is like a box of choc'lates..."
- Consume nothing for the three days prior but garlic, pinto beans, and beer
- Hire Pat Sajak to emcee
- Use the overhead projector to make shadow puppets on the screen
- Chew tobacco
- Deliver your presentation wearing a gorilla suit
You know you're working in Student Affairs when. . .
- You believe that all incoming students should come with a thirty-day return guarantee which includes instant COD delivery to their parents.
- You find humor in other people's stupidity.
- You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to only work nine months and have the whole summer free."
- You can tell it's a full moon without looking outside.
- You believe unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says "Boy, things sure are quiet around here today!"
- When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strangers just to see how quickly you can discover their Myers-Briggs types.
- Your students couldn't tell you what you do, but they know you get paid to do something for them.
- When explaining your job to other people you just give your title and assume that will be all the explanation they really wanted anyway.
- You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to "normal office hours."
- You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
- You smile weakly, but want to choke a person when she/he says "Oh, you must have such fun every day. It must be like playtime for you!"
- You spend you time figuring out how student will find loopholes through your policies.
- You wish you could sit on your ass all day like people from the Physical Plant office.
- You notice unapproved postings in buildings.
- You can quote passages from the student code of conduct.
- You've heard all the excuses why a student is late for work, is absent etc.
- You wonder how students who spend so much time in the game room/student center stay in school.
- You get used to drunk people and loud music with crude lyrics.
- You go for three days without seeing your spouse/significant other, and when you do it's 2:30 in the morning.
===================================================
Stan Cherian - Administrator at Temple University's Office of
Student Activities by day & well-respected and feared Indian
law enforcement officer - Inspector Menon by night.===================================================
Dr. Charles Dennison, V.P. for Student Affairs
Podunk University
456 Evergreen Express
Tumbleweed, North Dakota 55555
Dear Dr. Dennison:Thank you for your letter of January 5th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your institution. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Podunk University 's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your university immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
April Brown