I'm a Deadhead.
I went to my first show either November 20, 21, or 22, 1985 at Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center in Oakland. Like Christians who know precisely the day and hour when they were saved, a lot of Deadheads can tell you the exact date of their first show. But I was a little slower on the uptake, so the best I can do is narrow it down to that run. I got on the bus sometime in the next year or so. I think it was at another show at Kaiser, when they played "Not Fade Away," and afterwards I remember everybody walking out of the hall, into the street, and all the way down to the BART station, repeating clap, clap-clap, clap-clap "You know our love will not fade away!" I was hooked.
I saw somewhere between 75 and 100 shows over the next ten years. I went to three New Year's shows. I never really went on tour to more than a couple of venues in a stretch, but I did cross state lines to see the Dead--repeatedly. I danced in the parking lots. I consumed various substances, some of which were legal (you know, kind veggie burritos, icy cold microbrews...what were you thinking?!?) I wore flowers in my hair and bells on my ankles. I learned to tie-dye.
How can I describe a Dead show if you never went to one? It was such a weird and wonderful kaleidoscope that you experienced with all five senses (at the very least...maybe a couple more!) I don't think there's anyplace else where I ever felt so free and unselfconscious, or lived so totally in that moment. I was never in the middle of such a huge, rowdy crowd of people, some of them fucked up beyond all reason, and yet felt perfectly safe and secure. It made me high, just being there. When I'd been a few months without going to a show, I started to feel it in my bones, an ache, a longing for that unique infusion of energy and joy that I could only get from one thing.
And the music... Sometimes it was like warm water pouring down over us, sometimes like a soaring, swooping bird. Sometimes Jerry forgot the words, and sometimes he made us forget to notice. Sometimes they noodled off into the ozone and took us with them, and sometimes they left us standing, rooted to the ground, in awe. If you've only heard recordings, you probably don't get it. But if you've been to a few shows, hearing the music again even on a tape brings it all back and for a moment it's almost like you're there.
Of course we always knew the Dead would stop playing together some day, one way or another. I guess we realized that Jerry's death was one potential, all-too-likely reason for it. There were always rumors and speculation about his health and his substance use and abuse. Still, you're never really prepared for the death of someone you care about, even when you know it's a possibility. I never met the man, of course, but he was part of my life. His passing took away a big chunk of my world, and nothing can take its place. A lot of people feel the same.It's had time to sink in now, and life goes on. We held our memorials and built our shrines, and much was written about Jerry and the Dead and what it all meant. These days, we still listen to a lot of Dead CD's and bootleg tapes. I went to a couple of Furthur Festivals. I still wear tie-dyes. I've managed to muddle on without the annual dose of joy I always got at the shows. But oh, my, I do miss it.
But I'm glad for all the good times I had, and all the good people who were there to share them. There are some moments I'll never forget: playing with a humongous balloon in the Oakland Coliseum parking lot with Ray and Patte one New Year's Eve...Brent's very last show in Chicago and how he wailed on "Gimme Some Lovin'"...my cousins driving from Alabama to Seattle for two shows, then driving home again...Tony trying to vend "yummy yummy fat people!" in the Autzen parking lot...sleeping in our rental car in the desert outside Las Vegas after the motel gave away our "reserved" room (and having a near-religious experience the next day when we finally got showers and clean sheets)...Patte throwing jelly beans out the car window on the San Diego Freeway so we could find our way back to Irvine Meadows for the next show...standing with my head on Mark's shoulder, listening to "The Days Between"...the perfect paper napkin rose somebody handed me in the crowd at the end of a show...and the music, always the music.
"Nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile!!!!"
Here are some of my favorite Dead links:
Official Grateful Dead Home Page
gdead.berkeley.edu FTP archive
Unlimited Devotion: A Brief History of The Grateful Dead
Annotated Grateful Dead Lyrics
Grateful Dead Tickets, Passes, & Laminates
has images dating back to 1966 (when it cost a whole $2.50 to see a show).
Mike Standefer's Old Hippie's Grateful Links is a treasure-trove of goodies.
Halldancer's Collection of Hippie & Deadhead WebSites has links to all kinds of cool sites.
Willow Tree is a great message board and online community for Deadheads and fellow travelers.
Uncle John's Bands "The ULTIMATE List of Grateful Dead tribute bands from coast to coast!"
Grateful Lithuania How did the President of Lithuania end up doused with champagne and walking around in tie-dyes?
This is a really nice photo of Jerry, taken by Michael Mullen, from Mike Standefer's Old Hippie's Grateful Links.
The Live Music Archive lets you share and download live recordings of trade-friendly artists like the Dead.
Dead Images by Robert Cohn is a site featuring many great photos of the Dead and the scene--some for sale, others just there for you to enjoy.
UKRockFestivals.com has some wonderful press clippings, photos, and other memories of the Dead in Egypt and Europe, plus links to Australian Deadheads home pages.
Hippies Stuff Graphics has a great collection of images to decorate your website.
The Usenet group rec.music.gdead has a great FAQ (part 1 and part 2) that will tell you a lot about the Dead and the Deadheads.
In case you've been wondering, here's how to tell if you're a Deadhead.
Deadheads come in an amazing variety of shapes, sizes and flavors. I've known a few redneck Deadheads.
Mind-altering substances were always a part of the Dead scene for some folks, but not for everyone. Some Deadheads were just never interested; others made a decision somewhere along the road not to use drugs or alcohol anymore. A group of clean and sober Deadheads who call themselves the Wharf Rats has created a supportive community for folks who want to put their substance abuse, but not their enjoyment of the Dead, behind them. They've done some great work and, no doubt, saved some lives.
A lot of people don't realize that there also are a lot of queer Deadheads. A group of them have marched in the San Francisco Pride parade under the banner of "Jerry's Fairies." There used to be a Queer Deadheads listserv and a home page. And, right after Colorado passed the infamous, homophobic Amendment 2, Deadheads from all over the country chipped in to put up this billboard right outside the arena in Denver where the Dead were playing.
These folks are selling gorgeous queer deadhead tiedye/batik t-shirts
HipFaerie is a space for gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth who have roots in modern hip culture--in other words, queer hippies!
Nethead t-shirts are back! Roserunner says that they're intended as "meet'n'greeters so folks can find other netheads in crowds." Let your geek flag fly!
Hippie Personals "Where is where peacenik people meet intelligent, progressive, rainbow, radical, vegetarian, poetic types for friendship or dating."
DeadStories It happened one day at a show...
GreatestStoryEverTold.com is another site dedicated to the collection of stories, memories, thoughts, enlightenments, hallucinations, flashbacks, unusual happenings, trips (good or bad), de ja vu, and anything else you can remember from being at a Grateful Dead concert, parking lot scene, on your way there or on your way back.
Relix Magazine covers "Music for the Mind"
One fun thing to do at a Dead show was to read all the stickers on vehicles in the parking lot and around the venue. Deadheads are endlessly creative in expressing their appreciation for the band and their philosophies of life. This list of favorite Dead stickers comes from the AOL Grateful Dead Forum, where it was collected and edited by Tony T.
I was amazed to find out how easy it is to tie-dye. If you get the right dyes (very important--the good stuff won't come out pale and fade more with every washing like that Rit crap from the grocery store) and follow some simple instructions, you almost can't make a mistake--the stuff that doesn't come out like you'd planned is often the best of the lot. I've gotten dyes and basic equipment and lots of good advice from Dharma Trading Company. Their catalog of "fiber arts supplies for artists, craftspersons, and industry" includes some great tie-dye starter kits that have all the dyes, squeeze bottles, and other materials you need to try it out. They also have a page of tie-dye instructions and info that are the best I've found--they haven't failed me yet! There are also some useful tips in this set of tie-dye instructions that I downloaded from the gdead.berkeley.edu FTP archive.
If you don't want to do it yourself, these are some businesses that can supply you with tie-dyes, as well as other Dead-related merchandise and fun stuff:
Grateful Graphics "Authentic Bear Wear"
Out of the Closet Artwear carries all kinds of 100% cotton clothing, from infant sizes up to 6XL in some styles.
Tie Dye Queen cool dyes up to 5XL
Tara Thralls Tie Dye Designs More great dyes
Dead Ringers has some of the best Dead tune ringtones for cell phones that I've heard
JackOfRoses.com makes custom guitar parts, including parts to let you build your own Jerry guitar.
Here's a unique gift for the Deadhead who has just about everything: a custom-built Deadhead Medicine Cabinet, filled with "an attic full of tour and lifestyle icons, memorabilia and paraphernalia." In Your Face Productions will even customize it with photos and bogus prescriptions for ailments, cravings, passions and annoying bad habits of the recipient (sorry, but the drugs are fake).
Beth Livingston's Kind Veggie Burritos: Recipes for Traveling, Tailgating, Camping and Home is a book of recipes lovingly collected from Deadheads and parking lot denizens everywhere--and the proceeds from its sale go to the Seva Foundation!
For History 1999  DAU WEBRING Honors this Page for Enriching Our Minds |
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